LCP strikes at 8.7 seconds. The blast radius is 20 points wide.

Damage assessment

01
LCP 8.7 s. Visitors will have time to brew coffee and question their life choices before the page loads.
How to fix this
02
Lighthouse performance 74/100 on mobile. A passing grade, technically, though the crater is visible from space.
How to fix this
03
Content Security Policy missing. The perimeter is unmanned and the gates are open.
How to fix this
04
26 inline script blocks detected. Each one is a small charge; together they form the payload.
How to fix this
05
Page title is 6 characters: Claude. Search engines will assume this is a placeholder you forgot to remove.
How to fix this
06
ARIA attributes have invalid values. Assistive tech users will receive corrupted coordinates.
07
Touch targets lack sufficient size or spacing. Mobile users will need tweezers and steady hands.

Fix LCP first. 8.7 seconds is a crater. Defer or lazy-load below-fold resources, optimize images, and reduce main-thread blocking. CSP is second priority.

By category

Performance: 66
SEO: 99
Accessibility: 81
Security: 89
Copy & clarity: 100

Full report

Every finding, ranked, with fixes. $10.

All 8 findings with severity, evidence, why it matters and how to fix it, with WordPress-specific steps where they apply. Plus a checklist in the order to work through it.

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Recovery

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Scanned Tue, 22 Sep 2026 15:34:34 GMT. Roast written by AI from the scan data. Passive scan: we only read public pages. Is this your site? Remove this roast.